Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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