ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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