Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
