She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
