that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
