if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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