as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
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Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
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Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Pooping to opera.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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