My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
