He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
