You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
