the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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