Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
