i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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