life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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