I will die if light touches me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
