i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
