Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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