this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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