Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
