Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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