She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
