And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
