Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
