If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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