So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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