I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
