How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
