so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
