You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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