I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
