Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
