I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
