I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
