im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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