we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
