Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
