TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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