I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
