flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
