ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
