I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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