Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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