i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
