I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
