Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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