I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
