Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
