Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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