When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
