Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
