Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
