one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
