if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
