I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
