what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
