yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
