just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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