Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
