I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
