My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize