I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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