I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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