Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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