Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
