we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
