i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
