Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
