its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
