the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
