Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
