Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
