and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just had sex on a roof
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
