doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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