Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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