I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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