he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The air was thick with penises
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
