every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
