I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Acid is not a monday night drug
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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