yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
